A personal tribute

My dad, Seneca Shawn McLean, killed himself on Nov 2, 2004.  He was discharged from the Navy due to a head injury, after that he worked at Intermedia, where he met my mom; my mother and him dated for a year or so before my mother got pregnant. Soon after my father knew that, he broke up with her. Not for the fact he didn’t want me, but for the fact he didn’t love my mother. He lost his job because a woman at work accused him of sexully assaulting her. She said this because she liked him and he wasn't interested. She was mad that he didn't like her. Without a job and the rumor of him sexually assaulting a woman, he was near losing his house, he lost the privilege of seeing me, his only child. He told the rest of his family that if he didn’t have a job by the end of October, he was going to kill himself, no one believed him. No one said anything or thought to check up on him. He had overdosed on oxycontin. His body was not found for 3 days. When they did find him he was in his house on the second floor, face down, in his room.

Suicide is a issue that affects many people every day. It is a permanent answer to a temporary problem. There are countless people who feel that they have no purpose. No way out. Trapped. They might feel alone, or like no one cares. Once these thoughts and feelings get into your head you cannot get them out, no matter how many people say they care, you will not believe them. The voice in your head insists that they are lying - they don't care. The doubt of it is always there. Suicide and suicidal thoughts doesn’t only affect the person who does or has them. Their families and friends go through it, as well. They are heartbroken and hurt. They will blame themselves and feel guilty that they may not have noticed the signs. They may feel as if they didn’t have good enough relationships. They may fall into a depression themselves and start to have the same suicidal ideations. It can turn into a vicious cycle.  

Suicidal ideation is thinking about or an unusual preoccupation with suicide. Fleeting thoughts, extensive thoughts, detailed planning, role playing (e.g..,standing on a chair with a noose), and failed or incomplete attempts, which may be deliberately constructed to not complete or to be discovered. Some signs and or symptoms are hopelessness, loss of interest, not sleeping or sleeping too much, no appetite or overeating, depression, panic attacks, severe anxiety, and impaired concentration. There are many steps you can take if you are feeling suicidal, or fear someone you know may commit suicide.

You can call a suicide hotline, 1-800-273-8255, to talk to someone about how you feel. They have trained professionals to talk to 24/7. You could go to the hospital to get in-patient services. Which is going to a psychiatric center for an extended period of time to get help with your problems and feel better in general. There is always another option, there is always someone who cares.

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