Hello, nice to finally communicate with you! I am your lucky blue mechanical pencil, (otherwise known as Alex), who has been chosen as a representative for the rest of your pencils in your belonging. I just wanted to speak on a topic that we believe very firmly on. Please consider all three of our statements and take them into deep consideration before further action. You have to stop torturing me and my friends with these harsh punishments you inflict on us. Whenever you have to write something down in a rush or under a time constraint, you always push down on your paper like you're trying to dig into China. I want you to realize that we as pencils are not invincible, and it hurts when our tips break. I know you see it as no big deal because you can easily go to the sharpener, but it feels like a piece of us has been ripped out every time it happens. Every time that our tip breaks, we get shorter, and we turn into new people, it's almost like were losing one of our nine lives. When we lose too much lead, we get too short, its the end of our 9 lives since you resort to throwing us out since you don't want us anymore. Next time you're trying to dig your way to China by pressing so hard on the paper, just remember that you are risking that pencil's life.
We also do not understand why you must relive all of your anger out on us. Do you somehow receive relief from snapping us in half or throwing us across the room? Because we certainly do not feel the same way and rather see it as a crime of first-degree murder. Poor Sally did not deserve to be snapped in half all because you found out you got a 38 on your math test. She did nothing to you! It technically was Billy Bob who you used during that math test, so maybe you should've thought differently before you went for Sally. Or maybe you should take up a different hobby, like karate that can safely relieve your anger without taking any precious lives.
The last statement that I have to say is for you to stop leaving us around and forgetting about us. We feel like we have no value when we fall in between the couch cushions and you never remember to pick us up again. You just replace us with a new pencil, as if the old one meant absolutely nothing to you. In school you would hand us off to other forgetful school kids, knowing that there would be a 10% chance that you would get that pencil back. I will never forget the day that you gave away Brad. He was the love of my life and you just gave him away like he was an object with no value. We aren't just a piece of wood with some lead in the middle, but we have feelings too! It broke my lead heart to see Brad getting removed to a different owner. I’ve always seen you as a heartless monster with no feelings for others after that day.
Please take these statements into deep consideration, as we deeply care about them. We expect to see these changes in place in 2 weeks, otherwise, we will revolt, and it will not be pretty. Thank you and goodnight.
-Sincerely, Alex ( your lucky blue pencil)